I just pynch a tree in the face
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
