I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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I just googled if crying burns calories
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.