Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.