Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing