In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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