i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
