Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on

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  (503): when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on http://tfl.nu/x4cw
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor

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  (540): I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor http://tfl.nu/zp5d
  Replies (37) Good night (3831) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!

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  (214): New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma! http://tfl.nu/1dky
  Replies (67) Good night (1134) Bad night (4151) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.

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  (703): I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup. http://tfl.nu/a2al
  Replies (13) Good night (574) Bad night (3289) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7332) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.

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  (303): It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore. http://tfl.nu/nzed
  Replies (16) Good night (682) Bad night (2970) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours

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  (315): I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours http://tfl.nu/z9bp
  Replies (8) Good night (2383) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.

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  (727): there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning. http://tfl.nu/6rsw
  Replies (17) Good night (3780) Bad night (1733) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.

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  (860): Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta. http://tfl.nu/gtno
  Replies (12) Good night (519) Bad night (2364)
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  (661): View more from California

  i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance

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  (661): i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance http://tfl.nu/ezzs
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold

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  (407): I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold http://tfl.nu/xl1f
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  (407): View more from Florida

  When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?

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  (407): When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad? http://tfl.nu/v8ru
  Replies (8) Good night (1320) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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  (434): Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care. http://tfl.nu/ksws
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?

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  (304): That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try. (304): Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone? http://tfl.nu/y8p7
  Replies (10) Good night (460) Bad night (1149)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.

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  (505): You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch. http://tfl.nu/nw9o
  Replies (2) Good night (895) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt

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