textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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