Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap