she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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