I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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