After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
