I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i think i just lost a toe
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
