i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
