i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
