So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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