just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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