I faked an abortion last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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