Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
