Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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