I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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