I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
