Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
