i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
