Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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