you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
