I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
