I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
