So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
