I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
