I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
