She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
