My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
