Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
