Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
