we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
