He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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