Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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