i can't believe i had my finger in that
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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