Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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