Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
