I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
