she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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