Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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