I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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