wakey wakey hands off snakey
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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