I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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