I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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