my mouth tastes like poor choices
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just threw up on my dentist
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize