I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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