Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize