Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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