It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
