It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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