They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
