my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
