Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
