So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize