just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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