So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
