I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
