On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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