carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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