just tell him i said nine months
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Vodka?
Forever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
