i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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