He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
