I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
