i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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