If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
