I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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