if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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