went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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