I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
