Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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