I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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