Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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