I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
