i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
