even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
