halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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