on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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